Your Work Days Are Allowed to Be Different from Each Other
Did you know that the days in your life are allowed to differ from one another? Seems like a painfully obvious statement that doesn’t warrant much discussion, but take a second to think about how much you actually believe that. I recently realized that, while I knew days often differ from each other, deep down I didn’t believe that was OK at all.
You see, my sneaky brain had a vision of what a workday needed to look like, and deviations from that vision caused a flurry of self-critical thoughts that had become so habituated and normalized I didn’t even notice them until I dug deep. Here is what my brain had come up with as the rules for what a workday for which I don’t have to judge myself needs to look like:
1. I wake up with my alarm and feel very well-rested and refreshed.
2. I do some stretching to clear my head and get my body moving for the day.
3. I have a breakfast while reading a book and enjoying the morning view out of the window
4. I get to work. I have energy and focus for 8 hours, with only a couple of small coffee breaks and a slightly longer lunch break in between. Aside from these breaks, I am focused and in-the-zone, zooming through my work tasks and calls with ease and without any resistance or anxiety. I enjoy the intellectual stimulation of work and I go through everything I’d planned for the day.
5. I wrap up the workday and go for a long walk or bike ride.
6. I get back with even more energy and dive into cooking dinner. I love the process of the cooking, and I clean up after myself diligently and efficiently.
7. I still have several hours left to watch some TV, do a puzzle or just relax after dinner, all due to my amazing efficiency during the day (see step 4 above).
8. I head to bed right on time and am ready to catch a great night’s sleep, so I can have -another fantastic, productive, and joyful day tomorrow.
You know how many times in the past 15 years (i.e., since I’ve entered the workforce) I’ve had days like that? Where everything on that list has been checked off and there was no deviation from that perfect vision-board of a day? Exactly zero!
And yet, my brain was somehow convinced that this is the “right” way to have a workday and deviations from that vision meant something was not quite right. So that little self-criticism machine in my head was ready to go with every “misstep.” A small sample of those thoughts (I say small because, trust me, this is just a fraction of the self-critical thoughts my brain could come up with in a day):
· If I don’t get a great night’s sleep and wake up tired, my brain’s response would be: “Something must be really wrong! How is everyone else so well-rested and able to sleep well all the time!? You need to move through today with a quiet sense that something is wrong with you! Also, you need to manage your stress better, so stop stressing now!”
· If I got distracted at work and couldn’t focus for chunks of the day, my brain would chime in with: “You need to be more focused, disciplined and productive! You need to feel super crappy for getting distracted so you can be motivated to be more focused tomorrow!”
· If I didn’t have the time or energy to go for a walk or cook dinner, my brain helpfully offered: “You need to budget your energy and time better so you can get everything done every day! You should be grateful to have the opportunity to move your body and prepare food for yourself! You should enjoy this whole process rather than feeling sluggish and unmotivated!”
· If I didn’t have any time left at night to enjoy some TV or leisure time, my brain lovingly explain: “This is your own damn fault! If only you had better time management skills that wouldn’t have happened. You deserve to skip rest today and spend your evening frustratedly scrolling through your phone instead, so you can learn you lesson and finally get your shit together!”
So, essentially, my brain had come up with this handy little system—envision a life in which I have the same amount of energy each day, my mood is constant, my motivation is unwavering, and nothing unexpected ever pops up. And if anything deviates from this plan in the slightest, yell at me for being useless! Thanks brain, that’s a solid plan!
So how did I get myself out of this you ask? The truth is, I am not yet fully out, since unlearning a lifetime of lessons about self-worth and productivity is an ongoing practice. These types of habits and thought patterns never really disappear forever—they are an intrinsic part of us and even after we learn to notice them and manage them, they find a way to creep back in from time to time. But what I can confidently say is that since I learned to critically observe and manage my thoughts, I am a lot more in control of those patterns and am able to spot and question them most of the time. Most importantly, I am able to recognize them as an intrinsic part of my humanness and laugh along at the silliness of my brain’s rigid rules that I once thought were as serious as a heart attack. It sure beats living with a constant low key self-critical inner narrative. And that, I consider to be a huge win.
Want to learn more about those coaching tools and learn how to apply them in your own life to befriend those pesky self-critical thoughts? Schedule a free consultation with me today to discuss your goals and questions.
