Unhelpful Beliefs About Work and Stress That We Need to Ditch

Most of us have learned many unhelpful “lessons” about work, success, and productivity throughout our lives. And since we’ve heard those beliefs repeated over and over from family, friends, colleagues, and society at large, we’ve ended up accepting them as universal truths and repeating them to ourselves subconsciously often for years. Unfortunately, these beliefs are not only untrue, but are making work stress and exhaustion worse, pushing us closer and closer to burnout.

Three of the most common such beliefs are:

1.)    My success depends on me being hard on myself

This is deeply ingrained for so many of us and is one of the biggest roadblocks to creating a joyful and sustainable work environment for ourselves. After all, if we do create more joy and start taking it easy on ourselves, everything will fall apart, right? Our work quality will drop, we will stop caring about our life responsibilities, and we’ll just become lazy, irresponsible, and unmotivated.

This is deeply inaccurate and goes against the way the human brain works. Negative motivation and the threat of criticism (internal or external) rarely work over the long haul. They put our nervous system in a frazzled and agitated state that is not only harmful and misery-inducing but is also not very conducive to creative thinking or problem-solving. Think about it – if your brain thinks you are in immediate danger (which is what happens when we tap into self-criticism and beat ourselves up), it is not also going to click into thinking deeply about how to solve that complicated problem you have been working on or how to more creatively collaborate on your recent work project.

We are much more likely to do something well and to push ourselves to learn and grow when we think we are already doing well or are curious about learning something without beating ourselves up for not already knowing it. So, contrary to popular belief, being nice to ourselves, being curious about learning, and celebrating our victories are the things that end up pushing us to continuously grow and produce our best work. We just usually pile so much negative self-talk around those moments of self-love, compassion, and curiosity, that we end up attributing our success to the negative self-talk, instead of to the lighter and more constructive thought patterns that were much more likely behind your success.

2.)    Stress is necessary for high-quality work

This goes hand in hand with the previous belief. We often think that, if we are not stressed on in a state of high alert, we will not be careful or efficient with our work. But, for the same reasons I outlined above, putting ourselves in fight-or-flight mode over long periods of time does little for our concentration, problem-solving abilities or productivity. If anything, it creates a lot of confusion, a ton of spinning in a state of “not knowing” how to handle something, and a lot of overwhelm. That is not to say that we should panic every time we feel stress. Stress is a normal human response that all of us will have from time to time for the rest of our lives, and that is alright and not an emergency. What is not helpful is the belief that we “need” continuous to perform well, which that puts us in a high-anxiety state for long periods of time without a way out.

3.)    I should be able to manage work stress on my own

Another very unhelpful belief that a lot of us have is that, since everyone has work-related stress and most people seem to be managing somehow, we are supposed to just “power through” and manage on our own.

There are several reasons why this is simply not true. First, we actually have no idea who among our acquaintances and colleagues is managing on their own, who is getting support, and who is struggling deeply but working hard not to show it. Since there is still a lot of toxic stigma in workplaces around mental health, many of the colleagues you see who are coping well might actually be getting help from a coach or a therapist but just not talking about it publicly. And many others may be having massive anxiety but putting on a brave face in the office.

Second, how do we define “managing stress” when we think about doing it on our own? Do we just mean continuing to absorb the stress, feel exhausted, lose sleep, and just keep pushing? Because, sure, that is always an option. But if you are reading this post, you are probably craving a better alternative. So why not do the smart and brave thing and care for yourself in a more comprehensive way instead? Why choose to be proud of suppressing your own needs successfully, rather than choosing to tune into and take care of them openly and honestly instead?

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If you need some help ditching those unhelpful beliefs and learning specific tools to manage your stress and critical self-talk, book a free consult today.