The third big belief causing a lot of relaxation stress to people is the belief that not relaxing during our free time is wasteful (to learn about the other two common beliefs, take a look at my previous two blog posts). This belief is usually the product of all-or-nothing thinking that goes something like this: “In life, there are productive tasks and then there is relaxation. If I’m not doing anything productive with my time, I should be relaxing. And if I’m not doing either, then I’m wasting time.”
Sound familiar? I hear that so often from clients (and my own brain). There is so much guilt and anxiety around doing both work and relaxation perfectly, that any time either one is not fully “optimized” is considered a waste. Not only does this belief turn relaxation into another to-do item that we worry about accomplishing in a specific way, but it also discounts and vilifies those in-between times when we are neither fully productive nor fully relaxed. By doing that, we end up discounting big chunks of our lives that are both wonderful and formative.
Human beings are not machines and we cannot just slip from productive to relaxed mode and back to productive mode seamlessly day in and day out. Those in-between spaces are our times for exploration of ourselves, our thoughts, and the world around us. They can be our play time, our chance to discover the small joys and wonders of life. Or they can be a time to process feelings and be uncomfortable for a bit in order to allow the full spectrum of human emotions. They can be a time to daydream, connect with a co-worker, grab a warm coffee, doodle on the page in front of you, go down a rabbit hole of internet research on a seemingly random topic you are curious about, get lost in a stream of funny videos, let your mind wander, or just scroll through your feed and let your brains disengage for a bit. They can also be a time to cry, journal, take a nap, or just stare at the wall. Or they can be any other task that our brains decided doesn’t count as fully productive or fully relaxing.
What if, instead of discounting our in-between times or blaming ourselves for spending time there, we try to look at them as wonderful and important parts of life? Give it a try, and see whether and how that changes your relationship to productivity, relaxation, and everything in between.
