While you may not be able to make everything feel 100% better, you can look for ways to make your life just 10% easier. Is there something you can delegate or turn down? Is there something you can simplify?
Similarly – is there something you can make 10% easier for yourself emotionally? Is there a way to mentally de-escalate your internal reaction to your mom’s comments during the holidays, even if only a tiny bit?
Try single-tasking as much as possible. Pick one thing you want to finish and use that as an anchor task. Let’s say you want to respond to a work email, but you keep getting distracted. Use the work email as your anchor and practice coming back to it over and over until it’s done (or, if it’s a longer project, practice coming back to it for 30 mins).
This goes for your leisure and relaxation tasks too. Try only watching a show you love, without also scrolling on your phone. Try doing things only one at a time, even if for just 15 mins, and see how that feels for your nervous system.
If you find yourself avoiding certain tasks because they feel scary (you’re afraid of messing them up, or you are worried about another person’s reaction) – go to step 5 below!
3. Narrate what you’re doing to bring awareness to it:
When you are overwhelmed, it is common to find yourself spacing out for periods of time (like scrolling for 30 mins without even realizing it) or to jump from task to task on autopilot, without focusing on what you actually wanted to do.
One great way to gently shift away from feeling like you’re losing time is by narrating what you’re doing to yourself. All that means is pointing out to your brain what you are currently doing. This can be as simple as saying out loud: “right now I am folding the laundry.”
It may sound silly, but this is a great way to focus and notice whether what you are currently doing is what you intended to do (or whether you just passed by the dryer and started folding on autopilot).
4. Give airtime to some nice thoughts:
Our brains have a built-in negativity bias so, left to their own devices, they will most often default to negative and self-critical thoughts. To feel less frazzled and stressed, we need to add intention to our thoughts. That doesn’t mean trying to fully block negative thoughts (that’s not possible). What it means is adding to your existing thoughts and giving some airtime to a more neutral or positive perspective.
To be clear, I don’t mean gaslighting yourself by trying to think something you don’t believe in. Play around with versions of what you wished you believed and find a part of it that does feel believable right now. For instance, if you wish you believed you are doing great in life, but your default thought is that you’re failing, maybe the thing you believe in right now that you can give some airtime to is: “I might be doing better than what my self-critical brain is offering.”
5. Treat yourself to a holiday de-stress call:
Still struggling to focus on one thing at a time, feeling resistance to certain tasks, or feeling stressed about seeing family soon?
Treat yourself to a 45-min coaching call, during which I will guide you through any of the steps that you are struggling with and will help you get a new perspective on that stressful work deadline or that difficult conversation with your mom that’s coming up.
Think of this as a holiday gift to yourself, except that, rather than something that clutters your home, this will be something that de-clutters your brain and makes you feel regulated and refreshed for the holidays and the start of the new year.
